you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
