Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
