The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
