hotel room ftw
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
