I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
