I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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