A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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