u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
