I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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