u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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