There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
