Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
