i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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