The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
