I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
