P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
