I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
