I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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