No awkward lesbian experiences without me
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
