that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
bring money and cleavage
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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