You just made me feel so damn special
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
