I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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