It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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