woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Found your dick twin last night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
