Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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