My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize