I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
