I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
