NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
