i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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