just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
