Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
