I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
