And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
