my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
