Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
