I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
did you just send me my own nude
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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