So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
