I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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