wat bout pragnant strippers??
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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