You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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