Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
