Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize