No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
