just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize