sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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