My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
sarcasm needs its own font
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
