I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
