We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize