Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
