I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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