Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
