Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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