she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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