i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i love accidental penises.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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