WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't turn off my feet"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
