Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
