Already got asked if we're dating
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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