So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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