You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
