you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
