I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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