Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
