Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
